Today was the day, the day that Logan left to move to China and the day that I officially became completely single and living alone in South Korea. Now I've had to say goodbye to loved ones before this of course, but never to someone that I still love and will probably always love and that was still alive but just moving on. To put it simply today was hard. Because he left early I thought maybe I could go back to sleep and just deal with all the feelings later but turns out that doesn't work. All I kept doing was staring at his place in bed and hearing the words he said to me before he left over and over again in my head. "I'm sorry I'm leaving you here. I love you. Please try to be happy." These three simple sentences just made me remember again why it was I loved him. When I would fall asleep I would soon wake up with the feeling of it just being a dream. Honestly this whole day has felt a little like a dread, a dream I never thought I would have.
I've never been the one to trust guys or had many guys make me feel like I deserve the world and that they are lucky to be in it with me. He has made me feel like that way more times than I can could ever count I think. As much as it hurts now I know that I am extremely lucky to have felt this way and I still thank God that he brought him into my life. I know that I will find happiness again and I know that I will love like that again. As hard as these past couple of months have been at times I'm really not sure that I would change them. I have cried and I yelled and voiced how I feel about all of this, the main thing being that I never thought this would happen and I was sad about one of my best friends going away and leaving me here all alone. In the end though we started out as best friends and we are able to end as still pretty good friends. I really believe that if we would have been back in the states when we ended things we wouldn't of been able to remain friends. These past couple of months have been nice to slowly adjust to things and to just work on keeping the friendship when everything else was falling apart.
Was today hard? Yes today was hard. Yes the next few days, weeks, maybe months will be hard. I'll get used to being here alone though and I will get over it. I'm strong and I have great friends and family that are here for me so I know I will. I also still have a passion to travel and see things in the world I never thought possible. I will never forget the good times that I was able to have traveling around new places of the world with a good friend, in case I start to I definitely have enough pictures to remind me! Now though starts a new chapter of my life. A chapter where I will get to see just how strong I can be. A chapter to make life long memories of things that some people only dream of doing. I will admit today I am a little not ok but tomorrow is another day, and a new day at that....bring it on.
Cheers to change and friends and family that help you deal with it...cheers to another new chapter!
S
